1. Prenatal Education and Preparation

It's important for parents to spend part of their pregnancy (and better yet - even their preconception time) educating themselves about the stages of labor, natural birth processes, and what to expect. This includes understanding the physiological changes, holistic pain management techniques, and the importance of staying connected.

Knowledge reduces fear and builds confidence, fostering a sense of teamwork and mutual support. A natural birth coach, childbirth educator, full spectrum doula or natural birth online course can help prepare you with need-to-know information.

2. Study Attachment Theory

Study attachment theory to understand how early relationships shape your baby’s emotional and psychological development. Secure attachment, formed when parents are responsive, consistent, and emotionally available, provides the foundation for a child’s healthy development.

During pregnancy, parents can start cultivating secure attachment by engaging in mindful bonding activities, such as talking to the baby, practicing relaxation techniques together, and envisioning their future relationship with their child.

During birth, choosing birthing and immediate postpartum that prioritize bonding and connection over medicalized protocols that separate a baby from it's parents are a way to foster secure attachment. Anything that helps baby to feel safe.

After birth, parents can continue fostering secure attachment through responsive caregiving, nurturing physical contact, and emotional attunement.

3. Create a Birth Plan Together

Create a birth plan that reflects your values and preferences. Mom-and-Dad-to-be should do this together. Make it collaborative! The process of reflecting upon your needs and desires, and also what you don't want, will ensure that both of you are on the same page, making you active participants in the birth process. It can also be a bonding activity in its own right!

Discussing and agreeing on various aspects of the birth, such as where to birth, care providers, pain relief methods and comfort measures, positions for labor, and undisturbed birth versus interventions, will strengthen your partnership and alleviate stress and anxiety about the unknown (since you're actually addressing it head-on).

4. Continuous Labor Support

It's important for families to realize that they get to be in the driver's seat of their own birth experience. You may have hired care providers, but generally the person a woman wants to be supported by during labor is the person she feels most comfortable with. And that's typically her partner. So fathers, it's important to learn the ways your woman would like for you to show up for her when she is feeling vulnerable, uncomfortable, scared, and perhaps even in pain.

Discuss ahead of time some options of comfort measures that you can support her with and make sure you've got all the necessary equipment and materials prepared ahead of time and easily accessible in your birth space. This is one of the major reasons home birth is nice - because you get to setup your space exactly as you want to have it for birth.

If you've hired a doula, midwife or birth witness, or if you plan to have a friend or family member available at your birth, one of the greatest roles they can play is being in the background and taking care of all the little things so that the father can be fully present with the laboring mother.

As a birth keeper, provide continuous emotional support (and physical support if she requests it) to the mother while guiding the father on how to support his partner. This can include techniques like massage, breathing exercises, and words of encouragement. A supportive environment helps the mother feel safe and loved, enhancing her connection with both her partner and baby. 

5. Encourage Active Participation of the Father

Oftentimes fathers don't full step into their role in birth because they aren't sure what to do. That's one reason why childbirth education and preparation is so helpful. Because you can discuss and address these sorts of things in advance, and help everyone to feel informed, prepared and confident in their roles and responsibilities when the big moment arrives.

Involve the father in the birth process by assigning him specific roles, such as timing contractions (I like to call them 'sensations'), providing comfort measures, and helping with relaxation techniques. Active participation fosters a sense of accomplishment and deepens the emotional connection between father, mother and baby.

At the end of the day, men and fathers are wired to be protectors and providers. It's helpful for them to understand how they can best protect you and provide for you in birth, because it's likely a situation they've never been in before. They want to succeed - let's help them to know how to do that!

6. Promote Skin-to-Skin Contact Immediately After Birth

If you want to foster secure attachment bonding, a feeling of safety and security for baby, and to enjoy some of the most memorable peak experience moments in your life, then immediate skin-to-skin contact is a must.

It's critically important for babies to rest on their mother's chest after birth. This practice stabilizes the baby’s temperature, heart rate, and breathing while promoting bonding through the release of oxytocin, the “love hormone.” It also helps initiate breastfeeding, creating a strong foundation for mother-baby bonding. 

Fathers, you get to protect your beloved and your newborn baby by ensuring this moment happens. It's so important for them both. Immediate skin-to-skin contact can even proactively combat postpartum depression!

And don't worry - you'll get to snuggle your baby soon enough! You could even hold and hug them in a gentle embrace while mama is bonding with baby. The reason mother's touch is so vitally important and top priority is because your baby has spent its entire life living inside of her body. So the most familiar and safe feeling your baby will recognize is the touch, voice, heartbeat and connection with mother.

7. Facilitate Early Breastfeeding

Support the mother in initiating breastfeeding as soon as possible after birth. But also - don't rush mom into doing this before she is ready. Sometimes a woman needs a few minutes to come back into her body after birth. It's okay to give her this necessary time.

Fathers, you can be involved in promoting successful breastfeeding by offering your wife emotional support and words of encouragement, helping the baby latch, and ensuring a calm environment. Breastfeeding releases oxytocin, enhancing the bond between mother and baby, and the father’s involvement fosters a sense of unity.

8. Create a Calm and Supportive Birth Environment

Ensure that the birth environment is calm, comfortable, and free from unnecessary distractions or interventions. Dim lighting, soothing music, and a warm atmosphere help the mother relax and focus on the birth process. A peaceful environment allows both parents to connect deeply with each other and their baby.

9. Encourage Open Communication and Emotional Expression

Promote open communication between the parents, allowing them to express their fears, hopes, and emotions. Validate their feelings and provide reassurance. Emotional transparency strengthens trust and understanding, essential for a strong familial bond.

10. Postpartum Support and Bonding Activities

Offer guidance on postpartum care, including practices that promote bonding, such as baby-wearing, co-sleeping, and family-centered postpartum rituals. Encourage both parents to spend quality time with the baby, fostering a sense of security and attachment.

11. Empower Both Parents Through Affirmation and Encouragement

Continuously affirm and encourage both parents, highlighting their strengths and the positive impact of their efforts. Acknowledging their roles and contributions builds their confidence and reinforces their commitment to each other and their baby. This is important throughout the entire childbirth continuum and parenthood as well! Support and affirm one another, even in and especially during the hard times.

By implementing these points, you can create a supportive and nurturing environment that facilitates an unbreakable bond between mother, father, and baby during natural birth.